One Mans fight against Man-Flu, and how you can stop it
Well today I’m Joe fans, I feel ill as can be. Proper man-flu. There’s only one good thing about man-flu, and that is the fact that everything you achieve makes you feel heroic (in-between the bouts of vomiting).
I made a sandwich for work today, and I swear I could hear Enrique Inglasis singing “I could be your hero baby”, and I thought…’hell yeah I can’, then I thought ‘sandwich: I’ll be your hero, until I eat you’ – which rather impressively (as the thought of food currently repulses me) is still alive in the works fridge (along with some kind of mouldy bread, a fork and some cheese cunningly disguised as milk.
I then got driven by the misuses (heroically might I say) to work, where I heroically turned on my PC, heroically started my work, then heroically (and I mean that in every sense of the word) drank a cup of tea from the works kettle.
Do not take this post as a desperate hunt for sympathy (however, any cups of tea would be appreciated), as shall be heading what must certainly be my death bed…how do I know? That’s easy:
Runny nose – check
Sore throat – check
Dry Eyes – check
Heroic death from man-flu – check
The funny thing about feeling ill is this. When a girl feels unwell, guys fall over themselves to make sure that her pillow is puffed up, she has plenty of tissues, and that she gets cups of tea on demand. When an average Joe feels ill/is dying from a bout of severe man-flu, does he get support from girls? Does he hell! You see they only give you enough help for a moderate/girly cold, but only men understand the urgency of full blown man-flu, or to give its full medical term, ohmygodimgoingtodiefromthissniffle-itus.
So Joe fans, its been a tough summer, and I think its going to be a tough winter for us men, just remember these three tips for survival.
1. Do not EVER let your missus place her cold feet on yours in the middle of the night because you’re “cosy”. The effect could turn YOU in to the one who is cold.
2. Playing football the night before will NOT help you sweat a cold out. It’s a stupid myth, that as you may have guessed I tried and failed at last night.
3. If you think the end is coming. DON’T FOLLOW THE LIGHT. We all know how sensitive our eyesy-wyses are when we have the flu that is man.
Good luck men. We’ll need it.