Obnoxious Noise is trying to Destroy me
So I’m sitting in my car, just chilling on my way to work this morning. Stuck in my usual 45 minute traffic jam, I was listening to the fat idiot Chris Moyles on the radio, I had my hot air blower on to de-steam my windows, school kids were walking past shouting/screaming/being kids, cars were beeping their horns, a workie was drilling in the road, and I was rapidly becoming the opposite of “chilled”…I was becoming, not-chilled…
I felt like William ‘D-Fens’ Foster, in Falling Down, I groaned to myself as I was surrounded by wave after wave of obnoxious noise. This noise was horrible, painful, if it was a person it would be Jeremy Kyle, and if it was a car it would be a Humvee. The oppressive nature of this racket was swiftly becoming agonising. I must have looked like a man possessed as I childishly stuck my fingers in my ears, in a vain attempt at drowning out this cacophonous din.
Once the traffic got moving the sense of relief I felt at getting to work was unbelievable. The silence was truly golden. It’s got me thinking though, gone are the days when I used to listen to music screaming out my car at a ridiculous volume. I used to look at people glaring at me and think, ‘what’s their problem?’, as I’m getting older, I’m realising that this was dumb. Now I’m the old git looking at daft chavs with intolerable dance music blasting from their windows, believe me, there is NOTHING cool about a repetitive drum beat that shakes you to the core.
When it comes to noise, the most infuriating thing is the washing machine. I can’t describe the noise my machine makes. It’s like having a dentist drill attached to a wall of Marshall Amps screaming its way around your flat. When it hits the spin cycle, I have to leave the room. Watching the television becomes instantly pointless, as you have to turn that up to hear it, and when the washing machine stops – suddenly and without warning – you get your face practically blown off by the idiot box.
I need to invent an anti-hearing aid. I don’t want ear plugs, because they make everything sound tiny, and I want to hear some stuff normally. So I need something that will allow me to adjust the volume – down the way – so I can handle the insane noise created by the world. I’m sure there is something already available, and a short Google search might prove fruitful, but the tapping of my keys as I type this is driving me daft.
