Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Ozzy Osborne’s wife, the probably more famous these days, Sharon Osborne, has won libel damages from Britain’s classiest… newspaper, The Sun, after the rag claimed that Sharon was driving Ozzy to an early death.

The 56-year-old mum of Jack, Kelly and the other one that lives in a cupboard has been issued with an apology and a substantial sum of money.

Her solicitor slammed the newspaper saying that the allegations were “entirely without foundation” as well as being “extremely distressing, hurtful and damaging”.

Sharon didn’t bother going to court in London for the settlement in person.

She took a huff with the Sun after the article was published in October 2007 claiming that she was “driving her frail husband Ozzy Osbourne to destruction” and that she was working him “so hard she will kill him”.

The shoddy excuse for a newspaper alleged she ordered Ozzy to keep playing live shows because she wanted to go daft in the shops, spending a fortune.

The article went on to say that Sharon would be responsible for Ozzy’s death “like Tommy Cooper,” who famously died on stage.

Her Solicitor Mr Kelly said that Sharon had suffered from embarrassment and distress that she might kill her husband.

Patrick Callaghan, the solicitor for News Group Newspapers, issued a sincere apology, accepting that the allegations were untrue and should never have been published. They also paid for Mrs Osborne’s court costs.

A spokesman for the ex-X-Factor star said: “Sharon is delighted to have won her case. She would prefer not to have to take legal action against the media, but had no alternative in this case.

“Sharon and Ozzy are pleased that they can put this matter behind them,” she added.

In the media almost everyday for something completely inane like “Ozzy Opens Bag of Crisps” or “Sharon gains 0.000001 pound – she must be eating for two”, last year Ozzy won a libel case against fellow crappy paper, The Daily Star, over allegations he collapsed twice after a health scare which jeopardised the 2008 Brit Awards, where he was co-host.

Express Newspapers apologised and accepted the allegations were untrue and should not have been published. Idiots.

I’ve just had a rubbish sandwich. It was bland as hell and dry, and altogether dull. It’s my own fault really as it was me that made it this morning while in a rush and half asleep. If you want to know, it was a white bread, chicken slice and branston pickle sandwich.

Doesn’t sound to bad right, but let me tell you I’ve eaten the same sandwich at the same time every day for the last week. I know what you’re thinking, why not change your sandwich, and buy some new ingredients, spice things up a bit. Yes, yes that’s fine but I’ll tell you this, on the list of priorities, my choice of sandwich is massively low on my morning agenda.

6.30 am and the alarm goes off. The first thing I do when I wake up is attempt to turn back time with my mind. When that fails, I have to fight with my body and get up. The darker mornings have been making it so difficult recently, and it’s been raining. I generally drag myself through to the living room where I put the TV on and grimace at the awake-ness of the BBC presenting team – who’ve probably been up since 4 am yet look sparkly.

After sitting yawning at the screen for five minutes I have a shower, and then start getting ready for work. Those adverts on the TV selling revitalising shower gels, nonsense, I’m generally feel worse after the shower because its so bl##dy cold in my flat.

Once I’m dressed, I’m ready for the sandwich making. My regional news weather comes on in the background, and after five minutes of slagging off the presenter’s manly voice (she’s a woman) I get stuck into the sleepiest sandwich creation in history. I drag the contents of my fridge out on to the counter, and get busy making my lunch. Now as I said earlier I could use nice ingredients, but at that time in the day, my imagination is deader than the Dodo. I have no idea what I should do with myself, other than shuffle toward the front door, rubbish sandwich in hand, before heading to work.

But fear not, tomorrow is the last day of the week and I’m heading to the shops tonight. I’m going to buy myself a baguette and chuck some ham and salad on it, with it of dressing. God i’m sad…

Do you ever watch TV programs for a series, get all excited about it then it goes off for its end of season break and when season two comes round you watch three episodes then wonder why you even bothered with the first one.

It happened to me most recently with Heroes. Now everyone is getting excited about the new series, but I’m not even going to give it the time of day. Yes, yes the cheerleader is great to look at, but I really can’t be bothered with the repetitive storylines and dull characters. I’ve seen X-Men, so another program about mutants does not do the trick for me.

The best example of a TV programme losing the plot (almost literally in this case) was the unfathomable: Lost. This program enthralled me for about eight episodes, but then I started to get lazy, missed an episode and lost the plot entirely. By the time the second series started, I’d lost interest completely, and that was that. As far as I know, I’m not alone with that one. I often hear people complain about its storyline being confusing. Confusing? No not really, Stupid? Yes - entirely.

I think today’s culture has a lot to blame for our disposability. I’m happy to take or leave a TV program. Perhaps it the sheer amount of choice is to blame, the fact I could (if I wanted to) record/pause live TV, and watch it back.

The truth is I have no time. I can’t fully relax to dedicate an hour of my time to watch a programme that will not do anything to me, or make a difference to my life. I enjoy the football, because something is happening live, you don’t know what could happen, and it’s the same with the internet, I have the full control. I can view anything I like, when I like, and I don’t need to wait for 12 episodes to know what happens next.

Even the internet drives me mad at times. There is so much choice that you just wish someone could point you in the right direction. I do enjoy stumble upon, but have no time to even think about sitting for hours on end (which you could using that toolbar). Digg is full of rubbish, finding the time to sift through a few thousand badly written articles, by people with a poor grasp of English is hardly a good use of my time. But I digress.

The only programmes that have had lasting appeal for me have been cartoons like The Simpson’s, Family Guy, Futurama and other 20 minute long bursts of fun.

So to those awaiting the next season of Heroes, I’ll let you into some spoilers… all through the series there will be loads of close up, dark pensive shots of the cheerleader, some dark and pensive shots of that art guy, and some dark pensive shots of the police guy, looking pensive. Powers will be used, some for good some for bad. People will die, Heroes nerds will pass out with joy, and just when you can’t take the excitement, and it’ll break for the summer. Joy.

Russian prosecutors are attempting to have award winning satirical cartoon South Park taken off of the air after it was accused of being “extremist” after receiving viewer complaints.

The adult cartoon features a group of foul-mouthed nine-year-olds in a “qui-et lit-tle, red-neck moun-tain-town” who rip in to celebrities, politicians and anyone that deserves a bashing.

A Basmanny regional prosecutors office spokeswoman, Valentina Titova, said investigators filed a motion after deciding a recent episode shown on Moscow television station 2×2 in January “bore signs of extremist activity.”

“In accordance with the conclusions made by experts from the court investigations committee, a claim has been filed against 2×2 for its broadcast of an episode of South Park,” Titova said.

A representative for 2×2 was not immediately available for comment.

The Russian Union of Christians of Evangelical Faith had asked prosecutors to ban the TV show after claims they done study’s on 20 children.

The group’s leader, Konstantin Bendas, said “South Park is just one of many cartoons that need to be banned from open broadcast…as it insults the feelings of religious believers and incites religious and national hatred.”

“Our complaint is against a lot of cartoons, but this one was from South Park season three, episode 15,” he said. (It’s Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics btw)

“It’s one thing if they are on cable TV and viewers pay money and make a conscious choice. But young children should not be able to turn on the TV after school and watch this. They need to be defended,” Bendas said.

Russia passed a 2006 law widening the definition of extremism to include “the abasement of national dignity” and “inciting religious and national hatred,” which backers say was needed to stem a wave of violence aimed at ethnic minorities.

Is he/isn’t he gay ?Little Britain’ actor David Walliams has had a stalker for over four years, who finally admitted to harassing the star in court yesterday.

Sarah Bartholomew, 29 - and quite clearly insane person - from Essex sent the comedian a stream of letters, over 1000 e-mails and even went so far as to text his agent: ?I need his baby’.

Highbury Corner Magistrates Court was told her actions were at the “upper end of stalking”, and she now remains in custody while her head gets examined.

Judge Adrian Turner said that, although her actions were threatening, she did not pose a genuine threat - which makes no sense at all. He said the former veterinary nurse was “obviously besotted” with the excessively camp star - at which point she yelled “It is not because he is a celebrity!”

Some of her e-mails were read out, including one that claimed she wanted to run her hands “over his perfect bare flesh”, oooh errrr…

When the defendant was sent a formal legal letter asking her to stop contacting Walliams, her approaches became more aggressive.

The judge said experts had concluded that Bartholomew needed medical treatment, the form of which will be decided on 28 July.

Remember the days when you would nip down to your local video store and rent a VHS version of the Never-ending Story? No? Just me then?

Today, looks like a sign of times to come, as Amazon have announced a new online store of TV shows and Movies, called Amazon Video on Demand will open on Thursday.

Customers of the website will be able to watch any of 40,000 movies and television programs as soon as they order them because they are to be streamed direct to your computer. This goes one better than iTunes who make you fill up your heard drive with downloaded movies, creating a more YouTube type feel.

“For the first time, this is drop dead simple,” said Bill Carr, Amazon’s vice president for digital media. “Our goal is to create an immersive experience where people can’t help but get caught up in how exciting it is to simply watch a movie right from Amazon.com with a click of the button.”

Amazon, who is based in Seattle, has also struck a deal with Sony to place its Internet video store on the company’s Bravia line of high-definition TVs.

The video store will be accessible via the Sony Bravia Internet Video Link, which is a $300 tower-shaped device that funnels Web video directly to the HDTVs. This is likely to be integrated in to future TV sets, but for now is still pretty cool.

Mr. Carr said Amazon would pursue similar deals with other makers of TVs and Internet devices. “We can support both streaming and downloading,” he said. “Our goal is to continue to establish partnerships with all companies who have a connected device.”

Amazon Video on Demand will only be accessible to a limited number of invited customers on Thursday before it opens to other users later this summer.

The service allows users to watch from any computer after they have purchased the movie, by giving users a “Your Video Library” section on its website.

“I can be at my office, purchase a movie, and then it will be available on my television at home,” said Robert Jacobs, a senior manager at Sony Electronics. “Creating this on-demand available-everywhere access to premium content is going to be very attractive to consumers.”

Amazon Video on Demand is not expected to generate significant profits for Amazon, which must pay large royalties to Hollywood studios and develop the costly technical infrastructure required to make the service operate reliably.

But Jeff Bezos, Amazon’s chief executive, may have another goal in mind. Establishing a foothold on televisions could be a way to let couch potatoes and television advertiser’s link up to the rest of Amazon’s online store with a click of the remote control.

“That is certainly a possibility for the future,” Mr. Carr said.

So it?s Big Brother Season again, time for another bunch of over-confident nit-wits to enter the house so the British public can dissect their every move, action and nuance.

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This year we have the biggest bunch of weird, self obsessed and egotistical ever so here is our guide to the biggest television car crash in history.

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The contestants

?ALEXANDRA DE-GALEAge: 23From: CroydonOccupation: Accounts ExecutiveAlexandra is a single mother, who had her daughter when she was 16 years old. She describes herself as quirky, outgoing and a go-getter, and hates to be bored. Appearance-wise, she gives herself 10/10 for looks, and says “love me or hate me ? you?ll be obsessed!”?DENNIS McHUGHAge: 23From: EdinburghOccupation: Dance student and teacher

Dennis describes himself as egotistical, flamboyant, and competitive - and he lives for getting attention. He thinks he?ll be an “agony aunt” for other housemates and thinks that people will remember him simply as “wow”.

?JENNIFER CLARK
Age: 22
From: Durham
Occupation: Part-time model, full-time mum

Jennifer describes herself as ambitious, ruthless and opinionated - and says she wouldn?t enter Big Brother if she didn?t think she could win. Jennifer says her motivation for doing Big Brother is to make her daughter and loved ones proud.

?DALE HOWARD
Age: 21
From: Liverpool
Occupation: PE Teaching student/part-time studentA part-time DJ, Dale is desperate to be rich and famous and have girls screaming his name. He rates himself 10/10 for looks and believes his peers are often jealous of him. Dale loves “fit” girls and has a thing about women with funny noses! His dream celebrity dates would be Mischa Barton and Abbie Clancey.?KATHREYA KASISOPA
Age: 30
From: Kent, originally from Thailand
Occupation: Thai massage therapist

Kathreya is Big Brother?s first Thai housemate. She came to the UK from Thailand seven years ago to study. She?s scared of the dark, heights and has a hatred of feet. She also doesn?t take drugs or drink alcohol, and says that she doesn?t really understand British humour.

?DARNELL SWALLOW
Age: 26
From: London
Occupation: Songwriter

Darnell is a 26 year-old housemate who was born in Ipswich, raised in St Louis (USA) and now lives in London. He gives himself three out of ten in physical attractiveness and says he is “way too skinny with a massive head”.

?LISA APPLETON
Age: 40
From: Warrington
Occupation: Sales rep for a beauty and tanning company

One half of the first ever summer Big Brother couple, Lisa is dating fellow new housemate Mario. Lisa says she?s often likened to Xena Warrior Princess, and says she?s “like a magnet exerting powerful attraction”.

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LUKE MARSDEN

Age: 20

From: Wigan

Occupation: Student, part-time pro-wrestling announcer

Luke is currently doing a Politics degree but his real love is wrestling. Since the age of 16, he?s been involved in the North West wrestling scene as a ring announcer and referee. Luke?s philosophy on life is “controversy creates cash” which he says is a theory he?s learned through wrestling.

?RACHEL RICEAge: 20From: Torfaen, WalesOccupation: English and Drama student, trainee teacher

Rachel is a former child actor, who featured alongside Hugh Grant in the film Night Train to Venice when she was eight years old. Filming in Rome, she says Grant even organised her eighth birthday party. She wants to be on Big Brother to represent “pretty, intelligent alpha females”.

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MARIO MARCONI

Age: 42

From: Warrington

Occupation: Former Tag Officer at the Home Office

The male half of the first ever summer series Big Brother couple, Mario takes as much pride in his appearance as girlfriend Lisa does, and regularly spends over two hours to get ready for a night out. His strangest job ever was as a stripping policeman on a myspace advertisement for hot tubs, and if he could be re-incarnated he would like to come back as racing driver Lewis Hamilton.?

REBECCA SHINER

Age: 21

From: Coventry

Occupation: Kindergarten nurse

Rebecca - who often refers to herself in the third person as “The Bex” - loves being the centre of attention. She says she wants to be famous, rich, and maybe a bit thinner. Her great love is going out, having a good time with friends and dancing on tables.?

MICHAEL HUGHES

Age: 33

From: Ayshire, Scotland

Occupation: Radio Producer

When Michael (Mikey) was 23 he lost his sight whilst undergoing an operation and has now been blind for 10 years. Mikey describes himself as wacky, zany and non-conformist and considers his best ability is to make others laugh. His favourite party trick is to do stand-up comedy whilst dressed up in girls? clothes.?

STEPHANIE McMICHAEL

Age: 19

From: Liverpool

Occupation: Maths and Economics Student

19-year-old Stephanie first appeared on television as a 13-year-old on Popstars: The Rivals. However after reaching the final 25 contestants, producers discovered she had lied about her age, after claiming she was 16. A confessed germophobe, she can?t touch door handles for fear of catching germs, and also has phobias of bats and moths. She says her life philosophy is “do what you want and don?t care”.

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MOHAMED MOHAMED

Age: 23

From: London

Occupation: Toy demonstrator at Hamleys

23 year-old Mohamed was born in Somalia and then moved to Kenya, Yeman, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Kenya and Dubai before moving to the UK with his family. Mohamed describes himself as crazy, outgoing and fun and firmly believes that you don?t need money to have fun … but it helps!

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SYLVIA BARRIE

Age: 21

From: South London, originally Sierra Leone

Occupation: Student/Sales Assistant

Sylvia came to the UK with her family aged 11, when the war started in her native Sierra Leone. Sylvia gives herself 5/10 for intelligence and 8/10 for looks, but says the only thing she doesn?t like about herself are her wrists as they are too skinny.

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REX NEWMARK

Age: 24

From: London

Occupation: Executive Chef

Already a successful chef and businessman, London socialite Rex?s three favourite things in life are food, money and success. As a top chef at some of London?s most renowned restaurants Rex describes himself as “My job is to be a professional bully ? people always tell me to stop being aggressive”.

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And that is your horrible lot, a bunch of self-centred, arrogant morons with an ounce of self respect for themselves and their families. Will I watch this program? Yeah, I probably will but as ever, I?ll get so angry at the dreadful state of society and switch off half way through each episode.

When did kids television programmes get so cool ? and is it wrong to enjoy them at my age?

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When I was a lad, I had some cool stuff, but Thundercats, Transformers, He-Man and Action Force have all been replaced with programs like Stormhawks, Justice League and eh?the new Transformers with a much nicer level of animation, technology, cool stories and character?s dying!?!

Is it entirely wrong to prefer watching one of these rather than the news in the morning? I don?t think so. You see more violence on the news, and there is ever any laser guns involved? Nope ? just chav?s (that scum/thugs for any US readers btw) stabbing each other.?

That being said. This morning I watched Justice League?s first episode ? and I?ll be honest, it shocked me slightly. One of the alien bad guys?um?invaded a good guy?s skin and probed his brain, all in graphic detail. Don?t worry though, the good guy got away when he smashed a hole in the roof causing sunlight to pour in and MELT the bad guys skin off?I?ve seen less violence in a Die Hard movie.

I think that, yes kids these days are totally numb to violence due to the TV programmes and internet but perhaps the generation in their teens right now are so awful because they didn?t have good TV ? I mean Teletubbies and the Hoobs, would make anyone mad.?

You get politicians and upper class nit-wit?s blaming the games and films for violent outbursts from teens, but maybe if they saw that each of these programmes has a ?happy ending?, they?d change their tune. Good always triumphs against evil. It just does.

Why do you think we barely ever see a film that ends with the good guy dying? Alright maybe Will Smith died in I Am Legend but to be honest, most people left before the end of it because it was so terrible, and can safely assume he saved the day.?

To be honest I?m ranting. If I needed to sum up the nonsense I just spouted I?d say this: Let your kids watch what TV they want, it won?t affect them if you are there to re-enforce the positive message at the end. Oh and if anyone fancies buying me a Stormhawks lunchbox, I?ll be much obliged.

When friends debuted on 22^nd October, 1994, no-one expected it to last for ten series and become one of the most culturally referenced sitcoms of all time. It’s a comedy that could be appreciated by men and women alike which made it pretty unique.

Phrases like “How you doin?” and “we were on a break!” have been dropped in to many a conversation, it’s on at least somewhere in the world at any one time and it has even taught people in other countries to speak English. So it got me thinking, will we ever see another Friends style phenomenon?

Many program writers have tried to copy the formula and all have failed. Even the off-shoot of friends, ?Joey’ bombed (18,4 million viewers in episode one, just 4 million by episode 38).

I think the success of the program was down to excellent casting. Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox-Arquette, Matt Le’Blanc, Matthew Perry, David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow - Rachael, Monica, Joey, Chandler, Ross and Pheobe respectively.

Each character was so different it was easy for the viewer to either relate directly to a particular individual or to see similarities in their own life. Things like the ?Rachael’ haircut were of massive influence on young women all over the world, along with the fashion of the time and the ?relaxing in a caf?’ attitude to life.

If you break it down character wise you can find someone you know or even yourself; Joey is the funny, women-eating man’s-man, Chandler is the standard guy you meet in the office who makes jokes out of anything you say, Ross is the serious one who likes dinosaurs, Rachael is the fashion obsessed one with the best hair, Monica is the OCD freak who used to have a weight issue and Phoebe is the one who was the mental case. Remind you of anyone?

Each of these characters, no matter how annoying, irritating had something that made you want to return each week to see what was going to happen. Each episode flowed well and you really began to feel for the characters. Modern sitcoms just don’t have that same appeal.

Maybe we are just fed up of that type of comedy. I mean, to be truly original you have to make the mould, not use it. Perhaps the internet has had a hand in keeping our attention away from TV, it’s so easy to find out what’s going to happen next week now, that the fun is gone.

Yes, Scrubs is funny, as is My Name is Earl but neither make you feel for the characters. Ask yourself this - If one of the main characters left would you miss them? Probably not, these programs are so disposable now-a-days because you can change the channel and see another one with the same set of dynamics, jokes and actors.

I can’t wait till pay-day, I’m buying the Friends boxed set on DVD, getting cozy on the couch with the missus and I’m going to say every word before it comes out the actors mouths. Yes it’s a bit sad but it got me through my teenage years.

To leave you with probably my favourite line from the entire ten series. Its when Ross is talking about his lesbian wife - I guess I should have known… we’d be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, “Ross, look at her.” And I’d think, “My wife is cool.”