An Appointment with Dr. Rage
Yesterday I had an insane drive in the car. I was at work and I had to leave at 2.45pm to go back to my flat and take the missus to the doctors for an appointment at 3.40pm. The journey was supposed to be easy, however it ended up more like a mix between Clockwise (cringe-worthy John Cleese film) and an Indiana Jones movie.
In classic Jack Bauer style, I’ll go by the clock:
2.40pm: I start switching my computer off at work, and I make a quick call to the missus to let her know I’m on my way home.
2.45: I pull out of the work car park, and get cut-across by a huge lorry with a cement mixer thing turning on the back of it…He’s being difficult and driving in the middle of the road on the way out to the main street, so I’m stuck behind him.
2.47: Finally approaching the junction, he signals right…sweet I say to myself, as I want to go left. He’s about two feet from the junction, and then he changes his mind and signals left. Damn!
2.50: I’m crawling through the winding roads of the village just outside my place of work at 20mph, cursing my luck. I start doing the maths: it normally takes me 15 minutes to get home from where I was, so if I could just get past him I’d be back for 5 past. The missus was sitting waiting, so I’d call her at the bridge, and we’d get back to the doctors at about 3.35pm.
2.51: I begin to pray to the traffic god. “Please make this guy turn off at the next junction/roundabout/whatever”, but no, instead he continues down the same way I want to go. Now I know I have to get past him before the back roads (about ten miles of near-single-track roads, but to my dismay, he decides he’s taking his 5 ton truck down the country roads, at about 25 mph. Aaaarrrrggghhhh…
2.59: I’m starting to lose my hair rapidly, I’ve called the missus to explain, and while talking an the phone, in front of my cement mixer lorry, was another car, led by another lorry.
3.02: The lorry in front pulls off at a farm. Sweet. The cement Mixer pulls off a few hundred yards later. Awesome. I zip past the other guy in the car. Nice. I pull out of the junction into my town. Great.
3.02 and 12 seconds: I’m sitting in a traffic jam. I contemplate getting out my car, and walking away never to be seen again… I call the missus and tell her to start walking, and she does.
3.10: I’m still in traffic when I pick up an un-amused girlfriend, and try to turn in the road, which I can’t do because some idiot in his Land Rover doesn’t understand how roundabouts work and is sitting half-out of it with a bemused look on his face.
3.15: Were on the road to the main town, we’ve got 25 minutes to get their and get parked. It’s a 40mph speed limit. So why in gods name is their a guy driving a chicoquento (the worlds most pathetic car) at 27mph, so far over to the right hand-side that none of the 3 cars in front of me can get past.
3.35: We approach the final round-about before the town. Sensing the chance to pull a fast one, I nip up the outside lane. I get past the three cars in front of me, but somehow the guy in the Chicoquento has found the accelerator, so I can’t overtake (I’m nervous about speeding theses days…), then he cuts in-front of me in to the second lane, but behind a transit van. Infuriated, I quickly signal and pull in to the left lane, but the transit van does the same, and I nearly lose the nose of my car.
3.39: Some swearing, beeping of the horn, and a general cloud of misery forming over my head, we pull into the car park, and my girlfriend makes it on time.
3.41: One minute after her appointment, she comes out with a prescription for painkillers. And that was that.
Now I know, no exciting end to the story – think of it like a Will Smith movie, but that was the most stressful hour of my year so far. So I’ve prepared this list of things that drive me insane when driving. Feel free to give me suggestions to add to the list!
- Driving considerably slower than the speed limit, and not letting people pass you easily
- Driving a chicoquento – it’s a girls car that most girls would refuse to drive
- Taking lorry’s up country roads
- Not looking in your mirrors
- Traffic Jams/lights
